I haven't blogged for a while and that's because I haven't really had much to say. Not publicly, anyway. And I sort of don't have a huge amount to say now. I'm on holiday in Dorset with the family and my in-laws. This should ordinarily be a great holiday, a nice one week's break, food; literally on a plate and the children with lots of things to entertain themselves.
However. I'm tired. Worn out. Both physically and emotionally. I need more than a week off. This time last year we were in our first week of three. The sun was shining in Dorset and we then had two weeks in a very hot South of France. This year, due to my placement taking up a month of my holiday, I have precious little left and so it's being used sparingly.
As I finish my second year at STETS, I think I'm not alone. My largest piece of work, my placement report, is the culmination of three or so weeks full time placement, a lot of reflection (and also naval gazing as well as procrastination) and then a concentrated period of trying to get my thoughts and observations adequately on paper. It's done, submitted and in - there is nothing I can do now other than hope that the marker is kind to me. How does one put, adequately, into 5000 words what I have experienced almost 24 hours a day for 3 weeks? Living and breathing parish life, full time? I don't know that I have done it justice.
And so to today. Sat in this no-man's land between year two and three of college. Time off from work. A short time off from my everyday job, but at the same time staying in touch through my Blackberry. I know I should switch off from this, but I just can't. Simple as that. I would be hell if I had to.
I've already printed off and looked at the first module for the next academic year. Studied the calender, looked at the weekends away. The clock is on the downward slope. 5 academic modules, 5 assignments, three mini-placements, three sermons, an assignment, 6 weekends and one Easter School. All this then leads to Ordination. Ordination in less than a year's time. In fact in just over 10 month's time. The reality is biting big time. I am constantly reflecting as to what ordained life will mean. I have waited so long for it. The call is on the verge of becoming a reality. And whilst this will be just the start. I stand back and look to the future. The future scares me. Is that a bad thing? Should I only live for today? So many questions, with so few immediate answers.
Back to August 2010. It doesn't matter if I am ready or not. I believe that God has called me. He is ready for me. I owe it to him, to my family, to the church, to all those who have, in the past and are now supporting me, to do my best. To fulfil that vocation. To answer it and to pursue where I think God is taking me. I must do this to the best of my ability and know, that in my heart of hearts, God will feed my heart and soul, guide and direct me through and lead me into the future as long as I trust in him. And trust I do.
Showing posts with label vocation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vocation. Show all posts
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Wednesday, 15 July 2009
Approaching forty!
This weekend I hit forty. I thought it would be a good time to reflect on what my life has been so far!
Well, here I am, with a fantastic family (both close and extended), great home, good job, what I consider to be a strong and developing faith and training to be a self supporting priest.
It's not always been an easy time, but then I would challenge anyone who says their life has (may be there are those people out there). I don't remember huge amounts of my childhood as it was a tough one in respect of my school life and the bullies that didn't make my time at good schools an easy or enjoyable one. No-ones to blame and if I met those same bullies in the street today I would not hold it against them. Children can be very nasty and cruel and they get carried along on the waves of what everyone else is doing. But that's also not to condone it - if one of my children were bullied I would do whatever I could to stop it. Things have changed these days, though - bullying is recognised, I sense, more quickly.
I most definitely don't blame my parents - although I think they still have a sense that they could have done more. They couldn't. Simple as that. I think children are good at putting a brave face on things and hiding various things from their parents - and I am certain I did. I had a fantastic home life and I'm not aware of wanting for anything, although I do know that money wasn't plentiful. I do remember fantastic long family holidays in the summer (although the one in Northumbria wasn't good when it rained most days!).
Not surprisingly I got out of school almost as soon as I could. I wasn't a natural studier anyway. Into Insurance - nobody goes into insurance deliberately and I certainly didn't. But into a family firm working for a bit of a dragon who taught me so much; I grew up and, most importantly, was treated like an adult. That was when my life began.
Not long after that I discovered the Taize Community (see www.taize.fr/en). It changed my life; truly. I spent 18 months there at the age of 18 and it did remarkable things for me. I needed something to try to understand where my life was going. I thought it was going in the direction of the monastic life and the community, but it wasn't. I returned, and in another landmark of my life met Nikki just after my 21st birthday. Not sure whether it was love at first sight, but it wasn't far off! Engaged after 6 weeks and married 2 years later. 17 years ago this summer. We have had our challenges, but nothing serious. A glorious 17 years.
At that time I put myself forward for the ministry. I was 'conditionally recommended'. I had to do what was called the Aston Training Scheme. Whilst the idea of the course was good (to prepare those with little academic qualifications for theological college), those involved on the staff side lacked any pastoral skills and thought that, despite most students having full time jobs, Aston was the only thing in life that mattered. It was a tough 2 years of my (and Nikki's) life; and at the end to be non-recommended for training was a huge blow (to be told via letter as well wasn't particularly sensitive pastorally either). Anyway, life went on and we were expecting our first child.
Christopher was born in the September. Fit and healthy and he has continued to be - there have been the usual hospital trips for broken leg etc., but he's growing up to be a wonderful son. I'm not entirely sure where he gets his amazing intelligence from, though!
Life went on, I got a new job 10 years ago and have had various roles with my current firm, in recent years on the management side and it gives me a great deal of fulfillment. I also managed to obtain a post-graduate diploma in marketing management so proved to myself that I can do academia! Ever since I have been fascinated in sales and marketing.
Nikki and I managed, though not easily, to have two more boys to complete the family (together with a neurotic cat).
Anyway, a few years ago I sensed that my life in the church wasn't 'done'. I was being called to something. I was afraid after what Nikki and I had been through at the hands of Aston. I explored this through weeks in silent retreat in Taize. Through the last visit and at the guidance of my spiritual guide, Brother Thomas, I had to test the call again and started the 'discernment' process. I had a wonderful Director of Ordinands and went to a Bishops Advisory Panel last May and was recommended for training. A year later I am finishing my first year and had a thoroughly fulfilling 9 months of study and fellowship and look forward for more.
So, a snapshot of 40 years. A party will be had this weekend. Unfortunately a few dear people won't be there. My maternal grandfather, who died when I was 2 or 3 but for whom I, strangely, I guess have a great affection (a priest) and my grandmother who died when I was seven and whom I remember again with great affection - more clearly though. I will also be missing my Uncle and Aunt as my Aunt is having an op next week. Despite these absences, it is a great opportunity to have my wonderful family around me and drink a few glasses of wine.
On Sunday I have the privilege of leading worship at church. I shall look forward to that immensely. And look forward 2 years to when I will be an ordained minister. Time I am sure will whizz by, but just now it still seems like a while away. And I certainly don't feel 40. Life is good and I thank God daily for that and rejoice in everything he has blessed me with.
Well, here I am, with a fantastic family (both close and extended), great home, good job, what I consider to be a strong and developing faith and training to be a self supporting priest.
It's not always been an easy time, but then I would challenge anyone who says their life has (may be there are those people out there). I don't remember huge amounts of my childhood as it was a tough one in respect of my school life and the bullies that didn't make my time at good schools an easy or enjoyable one. No-ones to blame and if I met those same bullies in the street today I would not hold it against them. Children can be very nasty and cruel and they get carried along on the waves of what everyone else is doing. But that's also not to condone it - if one of my children were bullied I would do whatever I could to stop it. Things have changed these days, though - bullying is recognised, I sense, more quickly.
I most definitely don't blame my parents - although I think they still have a sense that they could have done more. They couldn't. Simple as that. I think children are good at putting a brave face on things and hiding various things from their parents - and I am certain I did. I had a fantastic home life and I'm not aware of wanting for anything, although I do know that money wasn't plentiful. I do remember fantastic long family holidays in the summer (although the one in Northumbria wasn't good when it rained most days!).
Not surprisingly I got out of school almost as soon as I could. I wasn't a natural studier anyway. Into Insurance - nobody goes into insurance deliberately and I certainly didn't. But into a family firm working for a bit of a dragon who taught me so much; I grew up and, most importantly, was treated like an adult. That was when my life began.
Not long after that I discovered the Taize Community (see www.taize.fr/en). It changed my life; truly. I spent 18 months there at the age of 18 and it did remarkable things for me. I needed something to try to understand where my life was going. I thought it was going in the direction of the monastic life and the community, but it wasn't. I returned, and in another landmark of my life met Nikki just after my 21st birthday. Not sure whether it was love at first sight, but it wasn't far off! Engaged after 6 weeks and married 2 years later. 17 years ago this summer. We have had our challenges, but nothing serious. A glorious 17 years.
At that time I put myself forward for the ministry. I was 'conditionally recommended'. I had to do what was called the Aston Training Scheme. Whilst the idea of the course was good (to prepare those with little academic qualifications for theological college), those involved on the staff side lacked any pastoral skills and thought that, despite most students having full time jobs, Aston was the only thing in life that mattered. It was a tough 2 years of my (and Nikki's) life; and at the end to be non-recommended for training was a huge blow (to be told via letter as well wasn't particularly sensitive pastorally either). Anyway, life went on and we were expecting our first child.
Christopher was born in the September. Fit and healthy and he has continued to be - there have been the usual hospital trips for broken leg etc., but he's growing up to be a wonderful son. I'm not entirely sure where he gets his amazing intelligence from, though!
Life went on, I got a new job 10 years ago and have had various roles with my current firm, in recent years on the management side and it gives me a great deal of fulfillment. I also managed to obtain a post-graduate diploma in marketing management so proved to myself that I can do academia! Ever since I have been fascinated in sales and marketing.
Nikki and I managed, though not easily, to have two more boys to complete the family (together with a neurotic cat).
Anyway, a few years ago I sensed that my life in the church wasn't 'done'. I was being called to something. I was afraid after what Nikki and I had been through at the hands of Aston. I explored this through weeks in silent retreat in Taize. Through the last visit and at the guidance of my spiritual guide, Brother Thomas, I had to test the call again and started the 'discernment' process. I had a wonderful Director of Ordinands and went to a Bishops Advisory Panel last May and was recommended for training. A year later I am finishing my first year and had a thoroughly fulfilling 9 months of study and fellowship and look forward for more.
So, a snapshot of 40 years. A party will be had this weekend. Unfortunately a few dear people won't be there. My maternal grandfather, who died when I was 2 or 3 but for whom I, strangely, I guess have a great affection (a priest) and my grandmother who died when I was seven and whom I remember again with great affection - more clearly though. I will also be missing my Uncle and Aunt as my Aunt is having an op next week. Despite these absences, it is a great opportunity to have my wonderful family around me and drink a few glasses of wine.
On Sunday I have the privilege of leading worship at church. I shall look forward to that immensely. And look forward 2 years to when I will be an ordained minister. Time I am sure will whizz by, but just now it still seems like a while away. And I certainly don't feel 40. Life is good and I thank God daily for that and rejoice in everything he has blessed me with.
Sunday, 21 June 2009
Reflections on almost a year at STETS
I haven't blogged for a little while - a flurry of activity when I first started and then.....nothing. I had this in draft, so I've decided I better finish it off!
As mentioned in my previous post, I've just finished the last weekend of the academic year on my training course for the Anglican Ministry. I thought I would drop some thoughts here as well as some achievements (achievements in my view only, of course!).
This time last year I had just had a 'recommendation' for training from my Bishop to train for three years at Salisbury, part-time and, all being well, to be ordained as a 'self supporting' or 'non-stipendiary' Minister in June 2011. I had also (rather crucially) been offered a place on STETS starting in September 2008.
The course, in my view very well structured, consists of 6 residential weekends and an Easter School a year, 6 academic modules each lasting 7 weeks and concluding with an assignment, three study days per annum and what I would call a 'pastoral' module that runs above this that involves me preaching, observing my congregation, undertaking listening exercises, etc. This work should take about 16 hours of my time in study per week.
I was going to say that I was a fresh-faced student last September; but I would be lying. I'm almost 40 so there's nothing fresh-faced about me. Maybe slightly weathered would be a better expression - although some may disagree and just say knackered! Anyway, in September 2008 I commenced my course, a Diploma in Theology in Christian Ministry and Mission. It was daunting to say the least. Along with 33 or so other ordinands we all turned up to our first weekend in September for 'Orientation'. We were let in gently.....just before the hard work begun!
For me, it didn't get off to a great start! I rather threw myself in; studying evenings, and both days of the weekend. After about three weeks, Nikki (my wife) sat me down and told me essentially that something had to give and we (I) needed to find a way to do the required hours, but not so that she or my sons didn't see me. We agreed that I would study on Sundays but Saturdays were out; these would be family days. This works very well now. I read on the train for a couple of hours each day, do some study at home in the evenings and spend hours in the study on a Sunday. By doing that I can get the work done. Some modules are 'easier' than others, though!
I didn't think it would be any different, but I am enjoying it. I have a great group of fellow students, a very supportive &Co group (a small group of students brought together to support each other and share the work of worship, duties etc at weekends), a great Training Minister (my Incumbent) and very patient tutor! I seem to be keeping up and have had OK marks for three assignments. I would love to do more work on my assignments but I would then have to find some more hours!
Now finishing this, I've just had my first year's assessment and am trying to write my final assignment of the year - this blog is delaying that as I don't have any inspiration for it! Bu as I look back over the year I have been so blessed. Everyone, from my family, home parish, fellow students, tutor and staff have been hugely supportive. I am counting down to my ordination - 100 weeks from this coming Saturday (and that's 12 assignments, 12 residential weekends and two Easter Schools)! But I can't wait.......to be let loose into the community! But also all the learning along the way, both in the next two years but also in the years of my ministry. And to truly discover where God will take me.....who knows where?
I'm going to be posting again tonight, but don't want to get too many subjects mixed into one!
As mentioned in my previous post, I've just finished the last weekend of the academic year on my training course for the Anglican Ministry. I thought I would drop some thoughts here as well as some achievements (achievements in my view only, of course!).
This time last year I had just had a 'recommendation' for training from my Bishop to train for three years at Salisbury, part-time and, all being well, to be ordained as a 'self supporting' or 'non-stipendiary' Minister in June 2011. I had also (rather crucially) been offered a place on STETS starting in September 2008.
The course, in my view very well structured, consists of 6 residential weekends and an Easter School a year, 6 academic modules each lasting 7 weeks and concluding with an assignment, three study days per annum and what I would call a 'pastoral' module that runs above this that involves me preaching, observing my congregation, undertaking listening exercises, etc. This work should take about 16 hours of my time in study per week.
I was going to say that I was a fresh-faced student last September; but I would be lying. I'm almost 40 so there's nothing fresh-faced about me. Maybe slightly weathered would be a better expression - although some may disagree and just say knackered! Anyway, in September 2008 I commenced my course, a Diploma in Theology in Christian Ministry and Mission. It was daunting to say the least. Along with 33 or so other ordinands we all turned up to our first weekend in September for 'Orientation'. We were let in gently.....just before the hard work begun!
For me, it didn't get off to a great start! I rather threw myself in; studying evenings, and both days of the weekend. After about three weeks, Nikki (my wife) sat me down and told me essentially that something had to give and we (I) needed to find a way to do the required hours, but not so that she or my sons didn't see me. We agreed that I would study on Sundays but Saturdays were out; these would be family days. This works very well now. I read on the train for a couple of hours each day, do some study at home in the evenings and spend hours in the study on a Sunday. By doing that I can get the work done. Some modules are 'easier' than others, though!
I didn't think it would be any different, but I am enjoying it. I have a great group of fellow students, a very supportive &Co group (a small group of students brought together to support each other and share the work of worship, duties etc at weekends), a great Training Minister (my Incumbent) and very patient tutor! I seem to be keeping up and have had OK marks for three assignments. I would love to do more work on my assignments but I would then have to find some more hours!
Now finishing this, I've just had my first year's assessment and am trying to write my final assignment of the year - this blog is delaying that as I don't have any inspiration for it! Bu as I look back over the year I have been so blessed. Everyone, from my family, home parish, fellow students, tutor and staff have been hugely supportive. I am counting down to my ordination - 100 weeks from this coming Saturday (and that's 12 assignments, 12 residential weekends and two Easter Schools)! But I can't wait.......to be let loose into the community! But also all the learning along the way, both in the next two years but also in the years of my ministry. And to truly discover where God will take me.....who knows where?
I'm going to be posting again tonight, but don't want to get too many subjects mixed into one!
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